There are so many things I love about my kids. I love to take them out to experience new things, see them smile and watch them splash in the pool. I love taking them to get treats, buying them clothes and of course dressing them up. I love taking pictures of their cute faces, cuddling with them and hearing the funny things they say.
Here is my little confession though: I don't like to play with them. I am talking about getting down on the floor, picking up their toys and playing along with whatever the "game" is that they are playing. I made this one of my New Year's Resolutions this year to spend more time playing with them and I have truly made a concerted effort to do it. Don't get me wrong, I will do it, but I have about a five minute max before I have to get up and do something else. Micah always asks me to play cars with him and it is so hard for me. He makes up all these weird rules and I try to go along with them, but honestly it is just so hard for me. Brooklyn is a little easier to play with since she can't make up rules, but I still can't get myself to stay too long. I think part of it is because when I am at home I think of all the millions of things I need to do and the other part is that it truly is just so boring.
I feel so guilty about it. I should just be able to suck it up and think, "They are having a great time so that is all that matters." I really shouldn't be thinking of all the other things I need to be doing when I am with them, but that is hard not to do. I think that is just a mommy thing. Always something to be done and it swirls in our heads until we can finally do it! Anyways, I find that I take the kids out a lot because I have more fun with them that way. When I am home they do a lot of independent play (aka watch TV...so bad!) or play with each other. I always feel like I should be there with them to be the "good" mom, but I have so many things keeping me from it, even myself. So there it is, my mommy guilt. Does anyone else feel this way? I wonder if I should just keep trying to play until it becomes fun. Where do I strike a balance in all this? I thought by now I would have this whole mom thing down, but it is a constantly changing and I am constantly readjusting to try to fulfill the needs of my family to the best of my ability. I think I am doing pretty good, but I am always looking to improve!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Mommy Guilt
The latest by The Trotter Family at 10:41 PM
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9 Quick Thoughts:
I think getting down on the floor and playing cars is supposed to be fun when you're a Grandma. Until then let the guilt fall by the wayside. Just think of the independant spirits they're able to develop, and the friendship B and M are building with each other (hugely valuable!) I don't think dominating their playtime at home makes you a better mom. It just makes you a helicopter parent. And really, no kid wants/needs that.
Playing totally takes practice. I worked at TLC for 7 years before I had Tyler and I remember at first it was so hard to be imaginative and play anything make-believe because, like you said, our heads are so full of, "must do this, sign that, mail this, buy that, forgot this at the store..." that we hardly have time to pretend anymore. At least, that's what made it hard for me. We are so out of practice at having fun that it is hard and it gets frustrating after only a few minutes. I got better at it over time, but it is still hard with my kids too. I think trying is great and a few minutes here and there is awesome- and like your other friend said, it will give them time to become independent. It also sounds like you guys do some amazing outings so don't forget what your strengths are as a mom either! Some people would find heading out that often with two overwhelming but your kids are getting awesome experiences.
It will NEVER become fun in my opinion. I love that you posted about this. I feel the same way. I am constantly taking Maddie some where and we have so much fun together outside of the home and I actually feel like a good Mom. However, when we are home I can and even want to think of a million other things that need to be done, rather than play on the floor. I do puzzles with her and read books to her, but those last a VERY short while and I always, always feel guilty too. You are a GOOD Mom though; don't forget that.
I think you just described my life. I may even feel more guilty than you, because I work and don't seem them much Monday-Thursday. Those days are so busy. I hardly have time to sit down and eat dinner. I'm usually eating dinner while putting dishes away or something.
And i thought I was totally alone on this one!! :) I'm so glad to hear other people feel the same. I really like what Laura said about it taking time to develop. I'm always thinking about how Thacks is going to remember his childhood- and me being in the next room! It's horrible. I'm really trying to be better, and I don't want to be like this, and I think I'm getting better, but who knows. Now I'll try to make a more conscious decision to do this. So thanks.
I was anxious to hear what people had to say about this one- cause although Evan's still at a young enough age that he doesn't make up silly rules to games and he's still fun to play with cause all I hae to do is play peekaboo or chase and he'll LOVE it...I worry about that older stage cause it does bother me sometimes with my nieces and nephews. Sometimes I can't STAND the way they play make believe and the rules they come up with are annoying. I like to think that if I'm not enjoying it (at all), I'll just tell them and suggest something else cause that's what a friend their age would do- it gives them good experience to change things up a bit and be a flexible friend/player. It's always good to try and find a balance of being a good sport about things but if they come up with ridiculous rules or games I try and ignore it and suggest other things. I have to admit, I'm a little nervous for that older stage! Don't let the guilt get to you! I'm sure you have a good balance.
First, thank goodness you don't have it all figured out. Two reasons- 1. We couldn't be friends (JK!) and 2. You would be raising all of our children :)
I think it's really awesome for kids to learn to play independently. We try to leave A-girl to her own devices when we're at home, but anytime she calls one of us over to participate, we stop what we're doing and jump in.
If the effort you can make without wanting to die is 5 minutes, then make it 5 awesome minutes and move on. It's impossible to have it be all or nothing- but something really is good enough.
And you are an incredible mom, with awesome kids.
I feel the same! Let your guilt trip slide Rach. It is all good, we all want the best for our kids and we want them to remember the best of us. A perfect example, Luke was asked what he liked best about me his answer, "She plays with me!" FYI I rarely play. If you define playing as sitting at the table while he does a puzzle and I am on the computer or cleaning while he is doing play-Doh. Then hey I'll take it!
This is the advantage of having multiple children. When J is bored (quite frequently now that he is getting older), I tell him to play with his brother or sister. Although they have conflict (often), they are learning life skills (sharing, cooperation, turn taking, empathy, etc.). If they play by themselves, they are learning to be independent. Don't feel guilty (although I do, too)! You're a fantastic mom!
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