Friday, September 25, 2009

This is how we roll...

...when it is hovering around 100. Half naked and in the backyard. I can't believe how hot it has been lately. Isn't this fall? It is the end of September and it is still too hot to wear jeans, my AC is on and we are thinking about going to the beach tomorrow. What is our winter going to be like? Hopefully it will cool to around 85 or so!

P.S. Thank you all for your kind comments. I have the best friends in the world. Seriously, the cream of the crop!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

It's cathartic

I think this is one of the reasons why I have a blog. Sometimes I just need to talk about things and get them off my chest and I love when people comment and tell me how they can relate and that they have been through it, etc. I love to know I am not the only one! Well, here is my little confession. I have been dealing with anxiety for a few years now off and on. I feel like it is at it's worst when I am feeling worn out and I am running on everyone else's schedules and I let myself become the last priority. When I get stressed, my mind goes back to all of the things that I have done wrong in my life. One of which really bothers me.
I know we are all human and we all make mistakes, but the hard part is having to deal with the fact that I actually made that mistake. It happened over five years ago and I still beat myself up over it. It's ridiculous! Seriously, it is little. I know it is. I have told some close friends and even the bishop because I felt so bad. I have had people laugh at me and others tell me they wouldn't give it a second thought. Everyone just tells me to drop it and move on. I'm trying I promise, but it is so hard! I seriously have nightmares about it. It is stupid, but it still hurts me that I did it. It is SO not me to do. I have been making a mountain out of a mull hill for sure.
It has created a problem for me because when I look back at my "big" mistakes, they all seem to be during my college years in Utah. As a result, I have never gone back to Utah. I think it brought out the worst in me. I rationalized all my decisions because everyone else was doing the same thing. So I don't like Utah and that is why. This wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that Chad's parents moved there a few years ago. They want us to come up and visit and I want to, but I am so scared of being there. Weird, right? It brings back way to many memories of mistakes made. I don't want to deprive my in-laws a chance of spending time with their grandkids and son because of my fears. That's not fair to them. I'm trying to figure out how I can put things back into perspective in my life. This needs to fade into the background of my life as I press forward. I think the stresses of life just have a way of pulling it back up.
Most of the time when I go to church, things are fine and I leave uplifted. Other times, I will go and I being to compare myself to others. That is the worst. I think of these people walking around with halos glowing above them. It is so hard sometimes to sit there and feel so inferior! I know they aren't perfect, but it is hard to see them making the mistakes I did. I always feel I fall short of the mark. I have flaws all over the place. I won't make it to every meeting or always have my VT done on time. I might yell at my kids and say something rude about someone else. I am human, but it is so defeating.
I need so badly to get over this. It is stealing the joy from my life. It exhausts me, haunts me and stresses me. I know I have been forgiven, especially since it is such a little thing, but I have created a monster from it. I need to take the power from it and learn to live in the moment. I can't let this fear take from my happiness. I need to enjoy the life and blessings I am given each day. Most importantly, I can't let it take from the duties I have as a mother to love and nurture my kids and husband. They are most important and the rest falls away.
I've come to appreciate so much more the blessings of friends and family. There have been times where they were like heaven sent angels. Someone would take a child for me or stop by or ask me to come out and play or just call on the phone and one of my favorites was a sweet letter. That makes me count my blessings. I am grateful for you all and would love some prayers as I try to ditch the baggage in my life and move on!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

A Gross Story

Just to warn you, this is gross, but funny too! I am mostly writing this so that I can go back and remember it. I was surprised that I hadn't written about it earlier, but I think I was a bit traumatized by the day and didn't want to relive it. Lucky for you, there are no pictures. Here we go...

The other day I woke to Brooklyn making a little noise in her crib. Knowing it was later than usual for her to wake up, I quickly got up and headed to her door. I opened the door and went to greet her. As I walked in, I noticed her diaper was off to one side in her crib wet, but not poopy. Then I see next to her a pile of poop and as I look to her, I see that she has taken the poop and rubbed it in her eye and hair and around the crib. I approached her just as she is picking up her pacifier out of a pile of poo and puts it in her mouth! She immediately pukes. At that point, it doesn't matter. No time for freaking out, screaming or gagging. Strategy was the name of the game and with Chad gone and Micah up, I had to think of the fastest way to clean her and all her surroundings up. I grabbed her and put her in the bath clothes and all. Sheets went flying, bumpers were scrubbed, baths were bleached, hair was rinsed and I was grossed out! I will never put her to bed without bottoms again. Lesson learned!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Betty Freakin' Crocker

Lately I have had some of the worst dinners ever. I mean so bad that you opt to go out for Del Taco afterwards. Admittedly, it has been a while since I have regularly made dinner. We had a four month hiatus while we stayed with my parents. Now that we are in our own place and I have a kitchen to myself, I have been cooking. I make a great breakfast, lunch is fine, but dinner has been a disaster! We have had chicken undercooked, chili that turned out too sweet, and twice baked potatoes that weren't even cooked properly the first time around! I partially blame the new stove. The place we got was flipped and a lot of the work was done as cheaply as possible. Case and point, my new appliances. Yes, they are new, but they are the bottom of the barrel model. This range doesn't have any sort of indicator as to when the oven has gotten up to the correct temperature or a timer. Therefore, I am guessing as I put food in that the oven is at the right temperature. Add to that the knobs for the range only indicate Lite and High. Don't try to go for Low because that means Off! I have burnt food on the stove top and undercooked food in the oven. I can't win. This will be an appliance that will be replaced when we get our tax return. I mean, last I checked putting potatoes in the oven at 350 for about an hour would bake them, but I was wrong. You get raw potatoes, so the twice baked part goes right out the window and cooking them once in now the goal! Oh and did I mention we don't have a microwave? Well, I should say we don't have one in the house. My kitchen is teeny tiny and putting it on the counter will take up all my prep room, so we are waiting to get an above range microwave. So here is my dilemma. How would you cook dinner with a stove top that is too hot, an oven that is too cold and no microwave? I am this close to just going over to Super Suppers and having a good meal made for my family ahead of time. It might just save my sanity and probably money too since I can't get myself to save the leftovers from my meals. If it isn't good the first time around, then the second time can't be much better!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Happy birthday to you...

...happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear CHAD! Happy birthday to you!

Love you baby and hope 27 is great!

Friday, September 11, 2009

A day at the park

I try to get out with my energetic kids as often as I can. We hit the park a lot! I will get them in the car and ask them which park they want to go to. Micah asked for Grandma's Park. So, we went to the park that is across the street from my parents' house to let them play.

Brooklyn took of being her little independent self.
Micah hit the slide.

Then he wanted to show me a bebe he found in the sand. I love the way he is looking at it. Discovering something for the first time.

Brooklyn with her favorite thing: the swings!

Then we walked up to grandma's to get some Cheerios and juice of course!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Messy eater

She definitely digs in... we are glad to have a bathtub again!

I just notice her touching his booty. Whoops!

Monday, September 7, 2009

Long time no blog...

Well, I guess it hasn't been that long, but it has seemed like a while. I also haven't picked up my camera in a while either. I have been busy, but with stuff that isn't so fun. For one, we are still working out the bugs (you can take part of that literally) in our new place. I have found that when you don't have small things that you are used to, you realize they are more important than you thought. We do not currently have a microwave. Well, not inside at least. We have one that sits on our counter, but since we have a teeny tiny kitchen, we can't bring it in without taking most of our counter space away. So, we have to take down the hood that is up right now and find a built in microwave to install, however, Chad thinks that our current cabinets are not strong enough to support the weight of a built in, so we are going to wait until Chad's dad comes into town to help us out. Don is such a trooper! We have a laundry list of other things to do in the condo. We have an ant problem to squash, spiders in the garage, can lighting to put in, knobs and pulls for all the cabinets in the kitchen, painting, a banquette to build and so on and so on. I guess this is what homeownership is all about! It is neat to see it becoming ours though. I love that we can customize it to our needs. Yay!

The other thing that is keeping me busy would have to be the kids. I know...duh, but really, they have be out of the ordinary difficult lately. Brooklyn is Brooklyn and requires a lot of attention and food. She loves to eat, sleep and be in your face. Don't expect her to entertain herself. She just won't. OK, I take that back, she entertains herself with mischief. Usually she finds fishing in the toilet to be a fun pastime! Micah, ugh, he is hitting four hard. I don't even know what to say. He went from being my sweet obedient boy to being a monster. What happened? He now back talks, he has attitude, has been mean to his sister and is constantly doing the opposite of what we say. I know this is about finding boundaries, but how many times do they have to do it before they back down and realize that they have hit their boundary? There are days when I just want to lock him in his room because he can just be a snot. Like when I take him all the way down to the park and then he tells me he doesn't want to go. I ask two more times if he is sure. He reassures me that he doesn't want to go, so I leave only to have him meltdown completely. I then tell him he told me he didn't want to go, so we would run a few errands and if he was a good boy, we would come back after. He then proceeds to make the trip to Costco a living hell. Lovely! I love my boy...where did he go? A demon has entered my child and is driving me nuts! What do I do? I am being consistent. He knows what is and isn't acceptable, but he has been like this for a couple months now. What is up? He will be going to "school" (otherwise known as structured playtime) soon and he has to drop this. I'm also planning to go to Disneyland tomorrow and last time was a disaster. Has anyone else gone through this? Helpful advice would be great. It would help both of us get through this!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Captain Gray Smile

This little boy had an accident. A few weeks ago, Micah was at my parents' house when he tripped and fell on the tile. He hit his mouth and went nuts! He was screaming and crying, so at first I was concerned. I went running over and checked him. There was no blood, so I just helped him calm down and thought nothing more of it. Well, the other day Chad asked me what was going on with his front teeth. I took a look at them and they are turning gray! That is when I remembered the accident. I took him in to the dentist the next day. Well, his little fall did a little damage. They took x-rays and told me that when he fell, it pushed his teeth back up in his mouth. This caused bleeding that went down into his teeth (which is making them look gray) and the blood is trapped. Lucky for him, things look OK. However, if things change (they get oversensitive or show infection) they will have to be pulled. For right now, he will just be Captain Gray Smile!